Good morning, everyone.

Just a reminder; I am not a minister. I am a person who has CPTSD, and you are part of my healing journey. As a teacher, I learned that to really understand something, if you teach it, you have to explain it to many different types of people, who are different ages, different cultures, and who have different learning styles. That’s when you really start learning what you are teaching! That’s when you see the topic in all its complexity, and when you explore all of the questions you may have.
Teaching is just another way of saying I am still a student, just at a different role in my journey at the moment. In martial arts, I have heard black belts tell their beginning students, “You are my best teachers. You have no preconceived ideas about this topic; I do. You will open my mind and give me fresh eyes.”

Whenever someone ask’s me, “How are you today?” I say, “Every day above ground is a good day.” That’s from Scarface, not the Bible. But, it is a great perspective to have in the face of Forgiveness.

I can only speak to my experience, though.

If you are on this website, you probably have been through some heinous trauma. You have likely seen, heard, or been on the receiving end of things that most people, have not ever had to deal with- bless their hearts! I wouldn’t wish this burden on anyone, even if it means they never will understand the depths of my own pain.

You may wonder, “How can I forgive that person, those people, or even God for what happened to me? Maybe, what they did was inhuman, unbelievable, cruel, and intentional. How on Earth can you get past that? Does forgiveness mean you have to allow this to continue? That you have to become like them? That you have to agree to keep what they did a secret?

You may still be in shell shock, or what I think of as the Emergency Phase of your journey to heal. If you are, this step might be a little soon, or at least, resolution in the form of forgiveness might be way too much to fathom. You may not even actually remember everything that happened, especially if it happened during your formative years, or because our mind finds clever ways to protect us using memory loss.
However, at some point, you might recognize that you have some extremely strong feelings of hate, anger, resentment, and fear in your mind, and you know it’s eating you up, and you need to do something about it.

If you don’t, you are allowing the perpetrator of your wounds to control your life long past the offending traumas!

I remember thinking, “Forgiveness sounds nice. It sounds like what a “nice” person should do. I think I am a nice person, so why can’t I do it?”
We are even commanded to forgive. Colossians 3:13 says, “Bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.”

I felt like such a failure for a few years, because I could not forgive!
The Bible tells us in Mark 11:25, “And whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone, so that your Father also who is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses.” God invites us to forgive not only as a command but as a means to release ourselves from the chains of bitterness.
For me, I couldn’t bridge the gap between reading that scripture and making forgiveness happen.
I really needed to understand two things; forgiveness and Grace. I also had to walk in my journey until I became experienced enough to understand everything. Forgiveness was elusive, and I never thought I would feel it towards the key person who harmed me, but now, I am mostly there. I do see her completely differently. I have pity for her and what she went through in this life, and what she still suffers. I am not sure yet if that’s where God wants me to be with this, but it’s an improvement.

Here are some of the thoughts I had along my journey to forgiveness that helped me:

Forgiveness is not for the person who wronged you; it’s for you. Imagine holding onto a hot coal, intending to throw it at someone. Who gets burned? Spoiler alert: it’s you. That’s the thing about holding onto hurt; it affects you more than anyone else.

Forgiving isn’t a walk in the park; it doesn’t happen overnight, and it certainly doesn’t mean that the hurt disappears completely. Think of it as a scar. It may fade with time, but it’s still part of your story. There are some days you’ll feel that sting again. And that’s okay! It’s natural to feel that way. I still feel a ripple of sadness from my own past experiences. And that’s normal! Healing isn’t linear; it’s more like… a tangled ball of yarn. You pull one string, and everything moves around.

Forgiveness isn’t a one-time deal. It’s not like you’ll wake up one day and say, “Yep, I forgive all!” It’s more like a series of steps, and it’s perfectly fine to take a few backward before moving forward again.

Forgiveness doesn’t mean forgetting, and it doesn’t ignore justice. Instead, it simply redirects your energy towards your own peace. It’s saying, “I refuse to let this hurt define my life.”

Embrace the complexity of your feelings. You are allowed to feel angry, sad, or even confused about forgiveness.

Forgiveness doesn’t mean that you condone what was done to you, nor does it erase the pain.

I actually said in prayer once, “God, I know I am know I am a sinner, and not worthy of your forgiveness, but I am just going to keep trying to do what you want.”  I thought I was condemned, and did not understand anything about what Grace meant.

God gives us Grace.
Pray to God and say, “I can’t figure out how to forgive. Please help me understand.” God will forgive your inability to forgive, because of Grace. He loves you, no matter what, in all of your imperfection. And, He may just choose to give you some guidance, if he thinks you are ready for it. He only gives you what you can bear.

Jesus personifies grace through his teachings, actions, and ultimately, his sacrificial love. In Matthew 9:11-13, when Jesus associates with tax collectors and sinners, He states, “Those who are well have no need of a physician, but those who are sick.” This moment encapsulates grace’s radical nature—Jesus reaches out to those society deems undeserving, demonstrating that grace is all-encompassing and reaches the marginalized and broken.
Jesus set an example that shows it is possible to forgive.
There must be a way to do this. There must be a perspective I have not yet seen.

Here is one scripture that was a real kicker for me: Romans 5:8 tells us, “But God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” God’s love is unconditional; it is not based on performance or error-free living, for us, and also for the people who hurt us.

God’s going to forgive them as well. And, I am also a sinner, just a different kind.

For me, forgiveness has been a huge journey, and it has been very important to me. It is PIVOTAL to healing, at least in my case.

I hope something here helped even one of you.
If it did, leave a comment about it.

I am praying for all of you. For all of US.

Keep your head up!
But first, bow it down.
Amen.